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"Noteworthy Occasions"
by Mark Levy

You can't help but notice that Dick Hodgson, sometimes known as the Kindly Old Editor, likes to concoct themes for the Bulletin, when he can. Sometimes, he develops a theme around a particular day that some or most of us celebrate. Valentine's Day comes to mind. The entire February issue can be dedicated to lovers and their day. I can hardly wait to hear what Mr. Hodgson has in store for us on or around next June 16th, National Mortician's Day.

Not wanting to be a me-too essayist -- or MTE, for those of you into TLAs or three letter acronyms -- I'm going to be proactive. I'm not going to wait for the New Year to resolve to write essays in anticipation of holidays and anniversaries. And not just any old famous days, either. I mean, really, anyone can knock out an insightful or humorous piece about Washington's birthday, right? You don't need me to get the conversation going about cherry trees or Presidents' Day sales.

No, I'm going to focus on more obscure days. For example, I see that National Caramel Popcorn Day is April 6th, National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day is January 14th, and National Cleavage Day, sponsored by the Wonderbra Company, is in the beginning of April, even though National Bra Day is November 1st. I suppose you can have one without the other. Oh, speaking of which, don't miss National Tube Top Day on October 8th.

In addition to Cinco de Mayo, May 5th is also National Hoagie Day, National Oyster Day, and National Chocolate Custard Day.

National Junk Food Day is July 21st, not to be confused with National Fast Food Day on April 15th or National Greasy Foods Day, which happens to be my birthday. Being a modest fellow, I won't tell you what day that is.

At first, I, like most people, thought August 26th, had only one cause to celebrate: National Cherry Popsicle Day; but I've since learned that it's also National Toilet Paper Day. Who knew? You would think that the Toilet Paper Day in August would be closer to Thomas Crapper Day, but that's celebrated on January 27th.

On November 8th, you can celebrate a day commemorating a fictitious person as well as a drink named for him: National Harvey Wallbanger Day. It's also the birthday of Montana's statehood, but most of us would think that pales in comparison to Harvey Wallbanger. Hey, here's an idea: on November 8th, let's all meet in Missoula for a drink.

And speaking of drinks, National Coffee Day is September 29th or May 16th, depending on whose calendar you use, not to be confused with National Cappuccino Day, November 8th, which happens to be the same day as Harvey Wallbanger's, if you were paying attention. National Irish Coffee Day is celebrated on January 25th. Turns out, National Coffee Day is celebrated on different days in Brazil, Costa Rica, Ireland, and Japan.

Not all national days revolve around food and drink. On September 9th you can celebrate Talk Like a Pirate Day or Talk Like a Mad Scientist Day on July 27th or perhaps Chew the Fat Day on August 14th or, if you're a masochist, you can find a way to celebrate Talk to a Telemarketer Day on July 16th.

There's a National Kazoo Day, believe it or not, on January 28th, but try not to spread that around. Likewise for National Accordion Day on January 13th.

I wonder which supermarket cashier came up with Keep the Change Day on May 29th or which domestic engineer came up with No Housework Day on April 7th.

Right before the end of the year, on December 30th, you can celebrate National Bicarbonate of Soda Day, which you will welcome if you've been properly observing the previous 360 odd days of the year.

However exotic these national days may seem, I can hardly expect the Bulletin to feature one. No, I'm leaning away from a Wonderbra Cleavage Day or any other Hallmark holiday. I'm looking for an important day, an ancient day. And I think I've found one: Tzom Gedalya, the day that commemorates the assassination of the Governor of the land of Israel, Gedalya ben Achikam. It happened while the famous Babylonian King Nebuchanezzar was on his throne. Which reminds me: I haven't found a National King Nebuchanezzar Day, but stay tuned; I'll keep looking.

Although the members of Mensa can be opinionated, the Mensa organization itself has no opinion and remains neutral on issues.